i started looking for new things to do and places to hit in ny. although lanha's usually my hipster with the inside track, i went to another tried and true source, new york magazine. i found a list of cheap eats that i'll have to peruse.

time out also has a readers' choice guide that looks pretty good. interesting that some of the restaurants listed in it have been in ny for years.

****

i took a nap today ... or tried to. it was really hot and i still had sand on my feet from the beach and was too lazy to take a shower before i laid down. i kept my feet off the bed instead.

i got up around 6.30 to the sound of my phone. mike was calling to see if i wanted to hit the victoria for a short film screening. i should have gone. it looked good.

since i didn't get to do anything around my house during the day, i decided to stay in. i practiced my violin for a bit, did my dishes, and am now trying to motivate to clean my apartment. ugh.

i left work yesterday at 4.30 with mike. the ac in my car is not working, and i actually think that it may not have ever worked. i haven't had to use the ac in my car until this year, and every time i do, it seems to not work. the days i've tried it have been few and far between and i never got my act together to get it checked out. it became a low priority, but man, it was hot in my car yesterday.

i was in dire need of a shower when i got home. at 6.15, scott and rebecca came by to pick me up and we went to get willo. we got to the public a little after 6.30. george was already there, and we walked in right after todd and june. it was still happy hour, so we quickly got some drinks, and the party started.

bar area at the public was a lot smaller than i thought and there were already about 10 people, who were not with us, there. some of my friends started to trickle in, some of the others abandoned the couches. we quickly took over the lounge area. there was a sign that said 'maximum capacity 49'. i had 49 people rsvp yes. perfect!

mike and rosanna came bearing fresh baked cookies. spencer and han brought me a bottle of champagne. alp and aydin stopped by for a few minutes bearing a very cool alessi spaghetti container. chris and kristin came by with a bottle of wine. tina, sven, and roy, tina's brother, came with a beautiful bouquet of yellow tulips. i think almost everyone who said they were going to come did, and then some more surprise guests, too, including tim, a friend from work who i hadn't expected to see. wayne, heidi, and peter came. i hadn't seen those guys in months and it was great to see them.

wes, jane, ashley and kevin, sarah, hillary, kat, dave, brendan, ewa, brigette, sue and bas, cheryl, jee (yes, i have a friend named jee), willo's friends tsia, renee, melissa, and another who's name i'm forgetting, and i'm sure i'm forgetting others, all showed up to have a drink with me.

around 10.30 or 11, rebecca, john, scott, tilda, and i sat down for dinner. i ordered a pasta with rabbit sugo (not sure why) and the other food we got was great.

around 12.30, we finally made our way outside. we said our goodbyes to tilda, who was going to ride her bike home. i was a little concerned about her riding home, but she said she was fine. we were going to head out to mezzanine to meet up with peter, when someone came running across the street, asking for me. tilda had fallen off her bike and was injured. we flagged a policeman. someone called an ambulance. they took tilda to the emergency room. scott, rebecca, and i took her bike back to my house, had a minor argument with my neighbor who thought we were parking in the tow zone, and then headed over to kaiser to see how she was doing.

they wanted to keep her there for a few hours, so by 3 i was in bed, trying to fall asleep. it was so hot, that it took me a while to get comfortable. at 4, she called me to see if i could pick her up. i was too out of it to do it. a dui would have been the topper to the night. ugh. i just called her, and i guess she's ok, just a little uncomfortable. i feel badly.

around 10, i got up to figure out if i was going to take the surf class at linda mar. i decided against it, as i wasn't sure that i was in any state to be worked by the ocean. sarah and i did make it out to the beach, though, and watched the competition for a while, entered the raffle for the surfboards, and talked excitedly about our november surf trip. it's going to be a great time.

now i'm sitting in my hot apartment, thinking about what i should do today. it's only 2.15, my house needs to be cleaned, and i have to do some work, but all i can think about is sitting still and staying cool.

i'm probably going to stay in tonight, although tim invited me over to his old place for drinks and a tour of his new place in bernal. he just bought it and is moving in on friday. wow. he's a homeowner.

****

birthday pics

i'm trying to decide if i should go to linda mar in the next few minutes. i don't know that i'm really coherent enough to surf today.

i also didn't realize ... john ritter?!

****

sue suggested singing "ring of fire" and the theme to 3's company tonight.

****

ETD: 23 min.

what kind of duck are you? find out.

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Johnny Cash (1932 - 2003)

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Yahoo! Partners With Marshall Field's Flagship

Marshall Field's in downtown Chicago is being outfitted with a Yahoo! lounge that will be equipped with computer kiosks and multimedia offerings for guests of the flagship State Street store. The lounge, designed in the Web portal's signature yellow and purple, will be staffed by employees who will provide information on Yahoo! products. A different product or service will be highlighted each month. "This initiative gives us the opportunity to put Yahoo! in the hands of consumers in a retail environment," said Murray Gaylord, vp of brand marketing at Sunnyvale, Calif.-based Yahoo!
(from AdWeek.com, 9/9/03)

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NorCal women's surf fest this weekend.

****

ETA to drinks: 5 hrs 46 min

my life without me

i never get this way. i never get angry like this, but i've pretty much been angry since about 3pm today. i can't seem to shake it, and it was manifested in a crummy night at ceramics. god, i hate feeling this way. i need to let this go in a big way.

i think it's a combination of it being 9.11 as well as the horrifyingly BAD conversation i had via IM of all media. god. i hate IM sometimes. however, i have a feeling it would have sucked even more over the phone or in person.

ok, i'm done.

****

i found a couple of surfboards on craigslist. maybe i'll get lucky this time.

****

i finally got a response from the camp in costa rica. they're taking our deposits, so i guess it's really happening.

i cleared the time off with work, too, which is very cool.

****

tomorrow, i'm having drinks with about 50 friends at the public. it should be fun, even though i didn't get to scope out the locale. actually, i hope they have room for all of us.

it should be interesting to mix my different groups of friends. i guess it was fine last year, so it should be fun this year. there are new faces this time around.

****

i need a martini.

1978 - 2000

*****
other thoughts

i seldom get to a place where i simply can't find anything to say, where i feel that it is fruitless and so frustrating that i just can't utter any words. i'm at this place now. the last time i felt like this was a year and a half ago, in an analogous if not identical situation. i really thought i was smarter than this.

i *thought* i had learned that sometimes people are never going to understand me. i can try to make them understand by explaining things in lots of different ways, using lots of different examples, but sometimes they just don't get it. it's not my fault or theirs. not everyone communicates well with one another.

****

in spite of my current exasperation, i actually had a pretty good day. i drove in with mike, since it is spare the air day. we both went to the gym, and i had a decent run and lifted a bit. my chest still hurts from tuesday's pushups. i had a good meeting with colleagues and went out to lunch with matte and sue.

today's weather screamed for ice cream. i had my first taste of cold stone. coffee ice cream with pralines. yum! i couldn't finish my "i like it" sized serving. unbelievably, sue, who probably weighs 90 lbs wet, ordered the "i love it" size.

when i got back to work, i found out that david bowie is releasing a new cd next week and it sounds like there is going to be a tour. i'll have to keep an eye out for dates in the area.

i just got in from jane's full night girls' night IN. we had dinner at her house. she made a delicious dinner of grilled fish, grilled plantains and sweet potatoes, and citrus rice. i made the mojitos. boy were they strong. for dessert we had grilled pineapple with ice cream. everything was deliciously marinated.

it was great to see ashley, kat, willo, and jane, of course. hillary didn't make it, but it was a good crew. it was nice to catch up.

damn, i have a good looking bunch of girl friends.

****

i'm full. i am going to ride in with mike, so that we can hit the gym. he knows to call me before i'm supposed to pick him up. i have a tendency to oversleep.

****

i'm still looking for an 8' - 9' surfboard. if anyone knows of one in decent shape, please email me.

****

i'm going to check out this gym over the weekend.

****

i just searched for "jee park" and i come up first and second. weird.

just ticketed my flight to costa rica.

just checked to make sure my passport hadn't expired.

yikes.

i guess i'm going on my first partially solo international trip.

i'm not big three letter acronym fan, but "wfh" has to be my favorite. i hadn't planned to wfh today, but after i got sucked into a task that wasn't supposed to take as long as i thought, i decided to stay home.

****

i just got an email warning me of the protestors are currently assembling along mathilda ave, along the lockheed property. they are here to protest the sentencing of the war protestors that were arrested several months ago at lockheed. i find this funny.

****

tonight i'm going to jane's. i'll need a mojito by then....if not sooner.

****

wassup with this bomb threat?

i dragged myself to the gym, even though i was dead tired. i walked in mist between the buildings. i was unusually humid outside. that's actually one thing i really like about san francisco; it's usually dry.

i ran for a while and did 10 *real* pushups, although i guess i was dropping my ass a bit (my trainer watched me do them while with another client and told me later). it was good, though, cuz although i'm usually able to do more, this was a good indicator of the state of my shoulder. i didn't want to push too much. the workout was quick, but i needed it.

****

as i drove home tonight, the scene could have been out of apocalypse now. the clouds were an amazing opaque smattering, as the rain had recently ceased. there was a military helicoptor passing in front of me, crossing 101. it was low to the ground. i wish i had a camera.

****

i called united on the way home tonight. the woman on the phone didn't seem very helpful. she gave me the info i needed, though. my reservation expires tomorrow. i will call back then to confirm my flight to costa rica. still no email from ashley regarding our reservations and deposits. i'm probably going to call her tomorrow. tomorrow is meeting-free.

****

i feel strangely different on this first day as a 32 year old. weird. i mean, it's just a number, and age will always be just that. however, it's an odd feeling to be 32. i've never had any plans about my life post college. when i was growing up, school structured my life. i knew that i would go to college, but i didn't know what i would do after that. i guess i used to think that husband and family follow. it doesn't seem to be quite the *given* that i used to think it was. maybe it'll still be part of my future. maybe it won't. i've given up on trying to figure that part out. there are some things that you can't control.

i can't control if people understand me or not. i can only choose my words and try to be as expressive and explicative as i can. i can't control how people are going to feel. i can control how i react to their outlashes and behavior towards me.

i need to have some perspective and remember to see the larger picture. the gestalt of my life is pretty good, and i can't complain about much.

wrestling meets performance art.

the stock peaked at $36.80 today.

i will have had 6 hours of meetings today.

i got my itinerary for new york in october.

i will commit to my itinerary for costa rica later tonight.

i rescheduled my violin lesson.

i'm going to the gym after work.

i have to buy tortillas for jane's soiree tomorrow.

i, too, am looking for the sunny patch.

i just got in from having dinner with patrick. we went to yabbie's costal cuisine. patrick knows i'm a big fish fan, as is he, and we haven't been there in a long while. i had a prawn appetizer and a halibut main. he had the crab cakes to start and the salmon. we both enjoyed our food. he brought a 2002 rochioli pinot noir, which was really yummy. he and dave had just been up to the russian river after going to the french laundry this weekend. i had a peach and blueberry cobbler for dessert and patrick had the fig tart.

it was nice to catch up with patrick and i could not have spent my birthday night with anyone nicer than him. he's been a great friend since i first met him while i was in grad school. i'm lucky to have remained good friends with he and david, both of my cisco buddies from my internship.

i filled him in on my plans for costa rica. he didn't know that i was planning a surf trip with sarah.

****

all in all i had a nice birthday. i got a lot of emails, email cards, and blog postings from friends who remembered, and i am also reminded of how lucky i am when i look at the evite response list for my little get together this friday. i am really fortunate to have met so many good people this year and in the past years in sf.

****

i got a beautiful bouquet of flowers today for my birthday. it was a nice gesture.

****

my mom and sister apparently both sent my birthday cards to my old address. uh, i guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

****

i have to practice my violin a bit more now since i have a lesson tomorrow.

****

interestingly, the word that i got in my email (i subscribe to dictionary.com) was
defenestrate \dee-FEN-uh-strayt\, transitive verb: To throw out of a window.

on a related note, i learned from the nytimes i get delivered via email that on Sept. 8, 1974, President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to former President Nixon.

it's my birthday and it's near perfect. there's one thing that i'm trying hard to not get me down. my friend rebecca sent me a super sweet email (and i've been fortunate enough to get a lot of them today).

in it she reminded me to ...

focus on the good in your life for the rest of the day. because you have mucho good stuff going on for you....
you have a great job, you're gorgeous, you have you own place, you're a surfer babe, amazing education, your own car, a family you love...sometimes life doesn't give you EVERYTHING you want, but try not to focus on the one thing you don't have. the things you do have are far more rewarding to think about.

i'm lucky to have friends like her in my life.

****

willo just sent me some fun pics from sat night.

my aspirations of getting up early to go to yoga were squelched when i woke up at 9. oh well. i actually didn't get out of bed until 10.30, at which point i jumped out of bed, made coffee, checked sue's evite, and headed to the safeway to pick up a bottle of champagne for her. it was her birthday last week and i had planned to get her something a little more creative yesterday, but yesterday was less productive than i thought.

the brunch was fun. i talked with this woman, sandy, for a while. she and her husband bret know sue through their kids, i think. sandy and bret have a 4 yr old, mathlida. she was a sweetie. anyway, it turns out that sandy grew up in san diego, in clairmont actually, and we chatted about that for a while. she mentioned that her sister lived in santa cruz, and i made the immediate leap to the fact that her sister must be a surfer. i think i alarmed sandy a bit when i asked if her sister was also a surfer. anyway, her sister, susii (pronounced like susie, but she legally changed her name to this spelling, which is indicative of her love of surfing, is 44 and has been surfing for the past 18 yrs. very cool.

****

i just got in from a bbq at jane's. she had a *grill and swill* on behalf of her mother's visit. her mother has never visited her before and it was a momentous occasion. it was nice to see the crew that included hillary, ev, sarah and kathleen, kat (albeit for just a few min), ashley and kevin, chris, doug, and courtney and lane. i hope i didn't miss anyone. anyway, jane had marinated some tofu which was great, made lots of different kinds of salads, one of which was even vegan for ev, primarily, but which i enjoyed, veggie skewers, and veggie dogs and burgers.

ev eats boca burgers with peanut butter. i have never seen anyone do this before. i ridiculed him for a few minutes, but after he offered me a bite, i have to say, that they're not bad. hmm... maybe the boy from nebraska is on to something.

i got plenty of birthday wishes tonight, which was also nice. yesterday, i found out that my mother sent my birthday card to the wrong address. i'm not sure how it happened, but she sent it to the apartment i have not lived in for over a year. mom's pretty bright and she said it seemed odd, but she didn't find another address for me, so she just sent it as is. hopefully my sister didn't do the same thing, but you know, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

****

tomorrow i'm going to the gym. it has been too long since i've been and now my back and shoulder are feeling weird from lack of use. maybe they are atrophying. i'm going to do something in the morning, as i'm not sure what i'm going to feel like doing in the afternoon. hopefully i'll wake up on time tomorrow. it's my birthday after all, and if there's any day that i should spring out of bed, it's tomorrow.