no trip home is complete without sharing a bottle of wine with my mom. i went outside with zoe to blow some bubbles, and my mom was sitting out on the patio, resting. she had just finished making a bunch of food for zoe's birthday dinner. i sat down by her and she suggested that we open a bottle of wine. it was 1.30. mom got the glasses. i opened the wine. we sat there for the next two hours, sipping, talking, and crying at times. it never fails.

wine eases the conversation between us. she let's me into her mind, and i let my defenses down. she tells me that although she and my sister my look alike, she and i are really more alike internally. she understands my independent nature and drudgingly accepts the absence of nesting tendencies. she told me i looked tired, and asked me if i didn't want a normal life with kids and a husband so that i would be less tired. i pointed to my sister and said she was certainly tired, too.

i told her that i thought about taking a leave of absence or even quitting my job. she said i should do what i need to do.

i hinted that i might only come home for thanksgiving instead of christmas and take some time off. she said that i should come home when it is convenient for me.

i told her about raaf. she remembered him.

my relationship with my mother has changed and it happened seamlessly.

****

i had my first dose of *medicine* today. there are no words to describe how disgusting it tastes. it reminds me of wheatgrass, but more sour. i had to drink it with a straw, placed at the back of my mouth as to avoid the taste. i still tasted it. i have enough to last me for 20 days, with two doses a day. i guess i have to avoid certain fish and vegetables, too. some kinds of meat are also on the restricted list, but i don't eat them anyway. i hope the liquid packets don't explode on the plane back to sf.

this is what the dry cleaner owner-sometimes herbalist estimated after i met with him for over an hour today.

my mother and i drove about 50 miles to meet this man who had assessed the ailments in my sister and *prescribed* her herbal remedies. since jin had experienced great results, my mother was insistent on taking me.

we looked for the dry cleaners which was next to the firestone store, which was after the outlet center. after saying our polite hellos to the man's wife, she directed us through the aisles of dress shirts and other garments, some covered in plastic awaiting retrieval and some not quite ready, to the back of the building. there sat a stocky, spectacled, korean man, with a slight overbite and lisp. mr. kim. he was actually just finishing up a consultation with an older woman, who happened to be the friend of one of my mother's friends. small world.

i should probably also note the irony in my being there, since my sister and father are both pharmacists.

he took out a piece of paper, and asked my birthdate and time. he continued with a slew of other questions. did i have pains when it rained? was my urine clear? did my head ache? could i take off my watch and ring so that he could feel my wrists. after his battery of questions, he got up, pulled a trifold lawn chair out from between a couple drying machines, and asked me to lay down. he pushed a few points on my abdomen and then my feet. he had a troubled and confused look on his face throughout. he had me get up and then asked me more questions. i guess i hadn't understood his questions initially, as my answers this time around seemed to make more sense to him.

his assessment: i have a fever in my gallbladder and a fire in my heart. this is why i drink a lot of water. i am actually in pretty bad shape, but it's been this way for so long, i think it's normal and i've convinced myself that i'm not as weak as i really am. (the power of positive thinking.)

he said he would have my *medicine* ready in a few days and asked for my number in case i had more questions.

towards the end of dinner tonight, i got two calls -- both from mr. kim.

my sister and mother laughed hysterically. he hadn't needed to call my sister. they also added that in spite of her kidney problems (which my mother also has) he said that he could tell that she had a pleasant temperament. he had no comment about mine.

he just called. my meds are ready.

i got on a plane at nearly 1 in the morning on wednesday. it was the worst three hours of my life. i must have eaten something horrible at dinner, as i was completely sick. i do not remember the last time i have felt so horrible. i'll avoid the details. i'm JUST feeling human now, so i'm probably now writing coherently.

anyway, i somehow was able to get on my second plane from minneapolis to chicago (i can't remember the last time i took a connection to chicago, either) and arrived without further illness.

seeing zoe and mom drive up made me feel better instantly. mom lives to take care of me. i don't think i've ever seen zoe as excited to see me as she did at the airport. she's more affectionate than i remember, more talkative, and generally more grown up. she is really a little girl now, no longer a baby.

we got in before 10 am and i was asleep within minutes. zoe and mom tried to wake me up a few times, but to no avail. i was out. "what if you can't go to sleep tonight?" my mom asked. this is never a problem at my parents' house. there's something in the air or water or some other substance here that makes me sleep like i've never slept. i got up around 6 and took a shower. my neice needed one, too, and as we were standing in the bathroom, both half naked, she pointed at my tattoo and asked "what is that?" before i could answer, she said "is that a tattoo?" i confirmed her guess. "i want one." yep. she's a park.

after the shower, i had a little food, still felt nauseous, lay in bed on my side cuz lying on my back made me feel worse, and watched a beautiful mind. that's another thing i do when i'm at home. i catch up on all the movies i haven't seen cuz my dad keeps columbia house in business. he is the biggest technophile i know. upstairs, in the room that doubles as his den and my bedroom when i visit is a widescreen television, with 5 disc dvd player, vcr, subwoofer, receiver, and speakers. downstairs in the family room, there's a larger television with a crazier hook up that involves a cd burner, karaoke machine, phonograph, and laser disk player, among other things.

****

this morning i got up just minutes before my mom and i took off to go to ceramics. this was going to be the highlight of my trip before i got sick. she has been taking it for about 6 weeks and has been hand building pieces. even though i felt subhuman, i really enjoyed going with her today. she and her three friends meet there for about four hours every thursday. their teacher, a younger woman, consults as needed. one of the women is the mother of two girls i used to tutor when they were in junior high school. they've both graduated from college now and one is going to do a masters in art in london starting in the fall. time flies. i hadn't met either of the other two women. one of them reminded me of tina turner and i kept thinking of how great she would look with a nose ring. the last one had a lazy eye and a high pitched voice. she sort of reminded me of the mean witch from the wizard of oz. i know... that's horrible to say. she was perfectly nice.

they work for a while and then clear the table for lunch. my mom and the other three women bring food to share. they're all korean, so this entails someone bringing a rice cooker and rice, and the others bringing an assortment of ban chan (fixings -- marinated veggies, dried seaweed, etc). they light candles while they eat and talk about how good everything tastes.

i liked listening to them talk and watching mom work intently on her piece. she's big into fish these days ... not sure why... but today, she worked on a basket.

mom made some of my favorite noodles for dinner, since my appetite was returning.

jin and jim come home tomorrow.

mom's going to take me to a holistic healer tomorrow.

it's nice to be home.

i'm way behind on my entries.... back to san diego ....

saturday morning, we got up late and had brunch at the green flash in pacific beach. after 20 questions with bob, the board rental guy, he allowed us to get some boards and walked what seemed to be 10 miles to the spot that raaf wanted to surf. we laid the boards on the sand, i gave him a quick lesson on how to get up on the board, and that was it.

i have to say that the waves in pb were a lot bigger than the ones in bolinas or santa cruz. there's definitely something about so cal water. i guess we were in the middle of a riptide, too, which didn't help. nonetheless, i got a few waves, as did raaf, which made for a satisfying outing. we spent some time sunning and then headed to ocean beach to make our rounds at the local bars.

i actually can't remember if we went to south beach for food before hitting tony's. south beach was interesting cuz you had to order your food and drinks separately. tony's has an amazing selection of martinis. i had the red apple martini and raaf had something that involved blue cheese stuffed olives. i think it was called the uptown? we also stopped at an old school lounge called pacific shores. this might be the only place where you can get a kettle one and tonic and a stoli vanilla and ginger for $5 -- together. raaf informed me that this was a *drinkers* bar. (aren't they all?) after our small, yet cheap top shelf cocktails we hit tony's again.

that night, we had dinner at the turf supper club with john. i really liked this place. half of it was a bar and half of it was a restaurant with large vinyl booths and a big communal bbq. the menu is analogous to the supper club. the left half shows food -- mostly grill items, as expected; the right half shows house cocktails. i had some seafood skewers and great garlic bread. raaf and john had the rib eyes (quelle surprise).

after dinner, we hit the whistlestop for a few drinks and listened to 80s music.

****

sunday morning, we got and got brunch at the coaster saloon in mission beach. we walked up the pier and then hit la jolla to check out the goldsworthy exhibit at the museum of contemporary art. the exhibit was amazing and i actually took a picture in stealth of the most awesome cairn (very large file picture). we walked around la jolla for a while and then headed back over to pacific beach.

we picked raaf's mom up at the house where he grew up. i had never seen pictures of him when he was younger, with hair, without facial hair. i was a little taken aback. he looked like a ken doll.... like what you'd expect any southern californian boy would be. blonde. pearly white teeth. he he

ok, so back to dinner. we went to cafe sevilla, a tapas bar with great sangria and food. raaf's mom is really fun and we had a great time chatting about what she's been doing since retiring. i wish i could retire.

****

so i had a great weekend in sd, in spite of my shoulder still feeling a little wrecked.

i got back from san diego this weekend. i know i won't be able to write about it all at once, but here's a start.

i arrived thursday night. raaf met me at the airport in his galaxy 500, a car i grew to love over the weekend, with a bouquet of flowers. very sweet touch. we headed to the wine store to pick up a few things for his mom and john, his roommate and friend.

after a quick stop at home, we headed downtown to a very cool, unexpectedly empty bar called thin. i was really surprised that a place like this existed in san diego. it had a beautiful, modern interior with grey mies-esque benches. they made great cocktails and had outdoor seating in front. we had a drink and then headed downstairs to onyx, a subterranean bar. it was equally cool, but with a different flavor. we listened to the dj spin for a bit, had another drink and then headed over to the side bar. this place was also well decorated, but unlike thin, it was packed. we ran into jeff, an old friend of raaf's there. we had a drink and then headed home.

friday, i worked from the house. it rained, so it was a perfect day to work. that night, we headed out to cafe japengo, a place i recommended. i have been there a few times and they have great sushi. i tried the uni, which can be horrible if it's not fresh and heavenly if it is. fortunately, it was the latter. after dinner, we headed out to the casbah to listen to some music. neither of us knew of the bands that were there that night, but we got there in time for the last two. we caught cardia, which sounded like radiohead meets air. the headliner, year of the rabbit, started off with a cure cover... always a good move. the casbah is like the bottom of the hill in sf. it's kind of a dive, but comfortable. they have classic video games, and we amused ourselves in between sets by playing defender, galaxia (i think), centipede (raaf got the high score and without a blink entered 'sex'), and ms pacman (i got the high score and a blister on my thumb, but was jipped -- no ranking on the machine).

after the casbah, we went to bar dynamite, to listen to hip hop. we had been there together last year. the funny thing is that they were playing the same song they played the last time we were there -- kiss by prince. we closed the bar down and headed home.

updates on saturday (surfing ...) and sunday (ocean beach ...) later...