i just got in from a bbq in the east bay. it was at tilden park, which was kind of hard to find, but we made it. rebecca, wes, and willo went with me. jim, a friend of rebecca's, was having it, and it is his 12th or 13th one. it was cool to meet some new people and to hang out in the sun. i feel like i haven't seen the sun enough, but by looking at some of the bare legs at the bbq today, i guess there are a few people who have seen even less of it lately.

before the bbq, i had people over at my place. jane, sara, jane's roommate, willo, and kat came by to help kat figure out what she was going to wear to the black and white ball tonight. i have way too many black dresses. of course the irony is that kat borrowed jane's black velvet strapless one that was by far the most appropriate for a ball. she looked fabulous in it.

as i was getting ready for them to come over, i got excited to have people over at my house. i love being the hostess. although i consider my sister the consumate hostess, i guess it is in my blood, too. i had a little spread of three cheeses, olive bread, slices of apples and nectarines, and strawberrries. oh, and i had mimosas and mary's. yummy. it was fun to chat with them, sitting around my table, as the sun streamed into my apartment. my apartment is incredibly sunny. it is by far one of the best things about it.

i thought i might be able to rally and go to zeitgeist tonight after the bbq, but i was way too tired. i overslept this morning, so i must be tired. luckily, my violin lesson was at my house and my teacher was running late and called me. his call woke me. it was 9.30. i had a good lesson. he said that i had improved a lot this week, which is cool. i guess that's what happens when you practice. i'm actually going to practice a bit tonight before i go to sleep.

tomorrow i'm heading back to the moma to see the klee before it leaves next weekend. it's pretty much my last chance to see it since i'll be in nyc next weekend. i'm getting more and more excited about my trip. it's going to be great to get out of town for a few days and to see all those fabulous bands!

for some reason, i had set my alarm to ring at 8.06 am.

i have pretty much decided that i am going to new york next week.

highlights of the day so far ... in no particular order

i got into work late.

driving in, i heard squeeze's 'tempted'.

just checked the field day site and they have pics of the stage going up!

looking forward to having a mellow night ... playing my violin.

tonight was filled with art.

rebecca and i started off at the moma. we got a little distracted by the design and architecture exhibit on the 2nd floor. very cool stuff by lindy roy's group.

the gursky was great, as to be expected, but i have to say that i was a little disappointed to hear that some of his work was *manipulated*.

since i'm able to get into the moma for free now, i don't feel badly about spending an hour or two there. so, after an hour, rebecca and i picked up robert and headed into the mission to get dinner.

after som great shrimp taco's at mariachi's on 17th and valencia, we headed over to propeller, a little den-like place on hayes street. on my way out, i ran into peter. he suggested a bar up on gough called jade. we headed downstairs and it immediately reminded me of suba in new york. both had a water theme going, although i think suba did it better. they have a moat-like setting in the downstair dining room.

i liked jade, except for the high meathead quotient as you submerged from the basement. not sure that i'd go again ....

on the way to the car, i saw some art by sam flores through the window of a shop called coquette. i recognized his work from a show i saw at upper playground.

this was one of those typically san francisco nights.... when you just wander around ... going from place to place, seeing cool things, getting inspired, running into people you haven't seen for a while.

i just reserved a mileage flight to newark for next week. i can cancel it up until tuesday at midnight.

like my friend mike said, 'you can't do much better than free'.

now if only the show was definitely going to happen .....

i'm still kinda distracted today. dunno what my damage is lately. weird.

i'm going to check out the gursky tonight at the moma. maybe a little art will help.

i decided to go to dinner with sunhee and patrick. dave made a surprise appearance and we all went to chenery park in glen park. i hadn't been there before, but i'll definitely go back again. i had a yummy gumbo and shared a romaine salad with sunhee. the meyer lemon tart we split for dessert was also great!

patrick brought a bottle of wine, but since i had to come home to work, i had coffee with dessert. it didn't help much....

so, i've been debating whether or not to go to ny for the field day festival. i mean, it's a total no brainer. two days of music, in ny, with great friends, who just happen to have a ticket available. the only snafu -- the concert may be cancelled. another case of poor planning. welcome to my world.

of course i had my own little moral dilemma. do i bail out of work for a couple days, last minute, to spend a lot of money on a trip that may or may not include the concert? i'm a pretty responsible person, but i also recognize an opportunity when it's put in front of me.

so i investigated ....
found out that i can actually fly into newark on thursday morning and leave monday night on a free ticket. one obstacle removed.

imed with my manager tonight and told him about the *unique* opportunity i have in new york. he said 'go for it'. obstacle 2 removed.

i remember talking to my friend rebecca about a trip she was going to take with her boyfriend. in between planning for the trip and the actual date, they broke up. she was considering not going. she had many reasons not to go. i told her that it didn't matter how many reasons she had not to go. she didn't need any, if she really didn't want to go. if she DID want to go, then she could make it happen. patrick reminded me of this tonight. (like i posted earlier... i needed some perspective today.)

so now, the question is ... do i go to ny even if the concert gets cancelled?

reasons to go:
i'd still have a great time with lanha, silvio, wook, david, and probably other friends i haven't yet met of l&s.
i'd get to see the exhibits at the cooper hewitt that i missed in april.
i'd be in ny

reasons not to go:
i scheduled a climbing night on friday. i don't think anyone would give me grief about rescheduling this.
i have a lot of work to do. i'll always have work to do.

i know ... it's an obvious choice. i'm going to sleep on it, but i kind of already know what i'm going to do.

man ... i am sweating the small stuff today. dunno what is up with me. not usually like this.

i'm supposed to have dinner tonight with two of my favorite people -- sunhee and patrick -- and i'm feeling cranky.

anyone have any perspective that you can give to me or at least loan?

think you know what art is? check this out.

i just got home from the last supper club. it's the second time i've been, and it was good this time around, as well. tonight i had the octopus. it was yummy, although i think i prefer it grilled.

i brought a bottle of wine for the four of us. it's an eno zin that a friend of mine from work produced. it was great! i'll have to tell sasha tomorrow.

i was not very productive today. i had a lot of meetings and little time in between. i should do some now, but after the wine and food, i'm not really in the mood. i've been pretty distracted today. i feel like i need a change. maybe a vacation. a quick change of scenery would be good. i thought about going away this weekend, but i have a bachelorette party on friday night that i feel i should attend.

i'm actually really psyched about going to the wedding in la at the end of next month. i'm planning to stay in venice for a couple of days before the wedding. i haven't been down there in a long time and i'm looking forward to not doing any work and just hanging out by myself. i have been appreciating the time alone more and more. am i getting old?

i am totally ADD today ... must have been the toblerone.

i just found out that fu manchu is playing at the bottom of the hill on friday night.... anyone wanna go???

i am a little slow... i just found the official cremaster site.

i just got back from seeing matthew barney's cremaster 3. the castro theatre is showing all five of barney's films this week and next, and it's the first time that the films are being shown outside of a museum.

i was first introduced to barney by lanha, one of my closest friends. she used to work for tokion, which recently featured an interview with barney. we went to the guggenheim exhibit a few weeks back when i was in ny. it was pretty crazy cuz the exhibit was more like an installation that took up most of the museum. most of the second half of cremaster 3 was filmed at the gugg.

anyway, back to cremaster 3. so, it starts out with a shot of the ocean and then shows this kinda ugly little elf guy sleeping in the grass. he wakes up and starts working... moving these huge stones around an island. then you see this giant, who is eating little lambs. strange. the movie then switches to the construction of the chrysler building. matthew barney is the 'apprentice' and richard serra's actually in the film, too.

i have to say that i'm not sure i *got* it. the movie was entirely absent of dialog. there were several celtic songs, some punk (by agnostic front and murphy's law), and some intelligible songs at the end. after reading this article that wayne wrote about the similarities between cremaster 3 and donkey kong, i think i've got a little more insight. pretty interesting ...

i just got home from part 1 of 'girls gone wild - memorial day weekend 2003' night with my friend joanne. jo's a friend of mine from grad school and since we were both going to be in the city for memorial day weekend and hadn't spent a lot of time together recently. we decided that we would plan 'girls gone wild - memorial day weekend 2003'.

tonight's installation included a night on the town in north beach. fortunately or unfortunately, it did not include any exposure of breasts, mine or anyone else's.

i used to go to north beach a lot when i dated a guy who lived in pac heights. he is italian, it was convenient, and at that time, fun. we decided to go to north beach tonight cuz a very talented friend of mine from work was showing his paintings at cafe roma. cuong's work is pretty phenomenal. he's won numerous italian chalk mural contests around the bay area. i'll post some soon. we talked with a few people from work and then went over to ideale on grant street. neither jo or i had been there and it was great! definitely recommend it. i had the spaghetti alla vongole and jo had lasagne.

outside of a cafe, over florentines (some of my favorite cookies), pinoles (another great cookie), and a palma (jo's choice), we talked about life, present and future. we're both in kind of strange spaces right now. jo, cuz she's ended a long term relationship with a guy who is great in lots of ways, but just wasn't right for her. i've been there, and i get that, completely. we've probably all been in relationships where it's easy to be with the other person. you enjoy the same things, you laugh together, you really like the other person. you may even love the other person. but something's missing. maybe it's passion. maybe it's a connection. maybe you don't know what's missing, but you just know that it is. and you struggle with it, cuz you know nothing's perfect. you know it's huge that you're compatible and that shouldn't be taken for granted. you know that this person would be a great partner in life. however, something tells you it's just not right. and you fight with yourself. you tell yourself that maybe it could be alright. you tell yourself that your standards are too high. you tell yourself that everything takes work. but after you part, and get back together, you ultimately part ways again, and something inside of you tells you that it's the right thing..... that it's better to not be with him. but it's still hard. there's still a sense of loss, which of course is normal. there's still a sense of failure, which is probably unreasonable. i mean, every relationship, until you find the one that you are in for the rest of your life could be considered a failure, right? that is, if you do ultimately live with one person for the rest of your life. sometimes, i'm not so sure that even this is true.

i was talking to a friend recently who was having problems in his marriage. he said that he felt like maybe he was more compatible with other people. i told him that compatibility is the easy part. it's the timing that's tricky. when i was younger and less experienced in relationships, i used to think that there was 'the one' out there somewhere. that i would know when i met him and that would be it. i don't think that any more. there are lots of 'the ones' out there. and they are 'the one' for a particular time in your life. 'the one' changes as i change. what i want in a 'the one' changes as i meet more people and understand myself more. maybe this is obvious. i dunno.

i told jo tonight that no decision is irreversible and its easy to get caught up in making the *right* decision. what is that anyway?